Thursday, April 22, 2010

Boston Recap (In the words of Marian)

This Boston Recap is what Marian posted on her Strands Page. She can put her thoughts into the perfect words that truly covers all the feelings that goes through our heads! I wish I could write like this but I can't so I will just post what she had to say about the Boston Marathon Race:

I’ve had a lot of time to think about things since Monday’s race. Really, I have a lot to say and very little at the same time. As far as my race went, I’m just not sure what happened. It wasn’t one of those things I could think about at the time and know what went wrong. There’s not one point I can remember where things went bad. I don’t know why I lost it—I just did. I was on my hopeful pace throughout the first 11 miles (I think). I thought I was being so smart running down the fist part of Boston. Maybe I wasn’t as tough as I thought I was—the mentality of putting on your running brakes for the first portion of the course and then finding your groove sounded like something I could do….but I didn’t. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s best not to overthink Monday’s race. Yes—I trained for this race for a long time. And yes, people knew I wanted to do well here. These are things that make it a little hard to take—like a punch in the stomach. But what feels worse is just wanting it for yourself and then failing to come through.

I run for a lot of reasons. I love the sense of joy I get from being outside—just me and the world. I can always count on my body to take me places I couldn’t find without running; and my legs always bring me home. I love the friends I’ve made out on the roads—friends I wouldn’t have without running. I love getting up early in the morning and starting out my day before the sunrise—when it’s still dark outside and the shadows are all mysterious. Yet when the sun comes up everything becomes clear and beautiful. I guess I see running as being sort of like a sunrise. I can go out with a foggy head and not knowing anything—unanswered questions float around in my head all murky and sometimes a little dark and scary. And when I’m done, I realize I don’t need to know anything—because everything will take a shape and shine and I just don’t need to worry.

When I enter a race, I want to do well. Not against anyone else necessarily—but just for the joy of pushing myself. I don’t like to over think anything during a race. I like to go out and push until I have nothing left to give. It’s fun to improve and to reach new heights. It’s easy to think that if you push yourself and give all you have, then you have nothing to be disappointed about. But when you have goals and you miss them by a long shot, then disappointment can seep in. I guess that’s the trouble with putting pressure on yourself—there’s room to mess up. At the same time—I’d not like never putting any pressure on myself. I think I’d just get complacent and I’d miss the joy in trying.It’s funny, something that can bring your mind such clarity can also make you so confused. But you know, what would life be without a little uncertainty? There’s beauty in not knowing. I don’t have to know what went wrong with me to be okay. I’m so lucky to even be able to wonder. I’m happy for any minute I get to run—with the wind blowing by and the air on my skin. I’m not sad about my race now—I just needed a little time to gather my feelings and to put them in writing. Boston was special—the sense of belonging—with thousands upon thousands of runners beside you and even more people showing such support and love for humanity—the world is so much more than yourself. I’m so happy I got to run in the race—and I’m especially happy to have finished. : )

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